How to Hem a Wedding Dress with No Pins, Thread or Clue

How to Hem a Wedding Dress with No Pins, Thread or Clue

You may be asking yourself, “How can I hem my wedding dress if I have no supplies, skills, wedding dress, or wedding coming up?”   Maybe you are asking yourself, “I thought I saw on We TV 25 shows specializing in something called ‘fittings’” Well, rest assured ladies and gents!  I, Mariclare “No middle name” Lawson am here to give you step by step instructions on how to hem your own wedding dress with absolutely no pins, no thread, and clue!

Step one: Find some kind of ruler in your house/garage/attic/crawl space/base camp.  All my mom and I could find was this handy T-ruler.  Nothing saying fashion, wedding, elegance and grace like a giant, metal, sawdust covered, Home Depot ruler.

Step two, hunt around the house for some kind of string to measure with.  Any string will do.

My mom found the perfect string- the cord to my new $8 lamp I picked up at the tag sale!

First measure the plug to the waist of your wedding dress…

And ever so precisely pull the cord from the lamp to the bottom of the dress.  This is very serious people!  Just look at the intensity in my mother’s face!

Now measure the vintage lamp’s plug against the giant industrial ruler. Better get on the ground for a more accurate reading.

And yet, another measurement.  Um, no offense mom, but what the heck is up with all this measuring?  It’s just a freaking hem!  And the bottom of the dress is one big ass lace ruffle so it basically doesn’t even matter if it’s even.  And come to think of it, it’s just going to be us in the yard for this wedding anyways so….


We had a Lifetime Movie on the VCR and Judith Light did NOT approve of the shenanigans.

We tried in vain to put that lamp back together, but alas, it was a goner.  Luckily they were a set and I got two for $8 bucks at the tag sale!

We ended up just driving to the dollar store and buying pins after all.  But unfortunately, that particular dollar store did not have thread.  And truth be told, they didn’t exactly have pins either, we actually bought like 600 needles.

EPILOGUE: I did take my wedding dress to a tailor after all.  My Gramma’s tailor, Mrs. Obar.  (Her age is undisclosed, but my Gramma is in her 90s. )  All I know is that Mrs. Obar was one of my customers on my paper route back when I was 11 in the 80s and she was a Gramma back then!  So she must be an EXPERT tailor!

Cost for tailoring my dress: $12.   That’s about how much I made in tips during my career as a  paper girl, so life has come full circle!

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